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Catching Up + Pants Rant

Contrary to what the lack of updates here would lead you to believe, I have been cooking - and taking pictures. It's just that, for the most part, what I've been cooking hasn't been that exciting. Simple things. Variations on a theme. But I thought I'd post them anyway, because... well, because.

Baked pasta with Vegan Gourmet mozzarella, plus steamed broccoli and carrots. Also a slice of "garlic bread," read: toast with Earth Balance and garlic powder because I didn't have any roasted garlic hanging around.

Peanut butter french toast with shameful "pancake syrup" and sliced strawberries. Peanut butter french toast is so easy: whisk together some soy milk, creamy peanut butter, a little flour, and optional vanilla and cinnamon. Dip bread. Cook. Eat.

Greek-style green beans, mashed potatoes, and corn. Best green beans ever, no contest.

Leaving food aside for a moment, can I just ask: why have low-rise pants taken over the world? Seriously. I'm not totally averse to the low-rise. They look much better than high-waisted mom pants (no offense to any stylish moms out there, but my mom wears 'em, so to me they're mom pants). But I do take issue with the sort of low-rise pants that introduce strangers to your pubic hair, and it seems as if it's getting harder and harder to find any sort of middle ground.

I was at Old Navy yesterday looking for some new jeans. I hate hate hate shopping for pants. It's impossible. And the proliferation of low-waisted pants is not helping things at all. Old Navy claims to offer 4 rises, but I could only find two: low-waist and ultra low-waist. The latter is just not an option for me, which is unfortunate because all of the jeans I liked were of this variety. But awesome love handles + ultra low-waist = nausea, disorientation, and possibly blindness. So, no. I tried on like 6 pairs of pants, found three that would sort of work. I say sort of because the low-waist requires constant adjustment, so even if they fit well I'm forever pulling them up over my pudge. Because with mom pants your rolls get pushed up, but with low-waisted pants everything just kind of spills over the top.

And on top of this, it seems that there is a gang of stumpy girls roaming around buying all the 14 shorts just before I arrive at the store. Luckily I only bought one pair of full-length pants, and I did manage to dig a short pair out of the entrance to Narnia that is the back of the rack. On the plus side, that pair was on super sale and I managed to find two pairs of capris that are actually the right length. Mostly because they're supposed to be bermuda shorts, but I'll take what I can get. They still suffer from low-waist overflow, though.

Man, I just went on for way too long about pants.

I agree about low-waist. I am sick of seeing people's butt cracks. So not attractive. Add I hate the "muffin-top" overflow of pudge that happens to even the skinniest of girls. It's hard to find a middle ground these days.

Ha, I love calling it a muffin top. It's such a delicious name for an unfortunate area. You're right, though, it happens to everyone - fat or skinny. And that's so unfair. My plan is not to work my ass of so I can eventually just... overflow less? It makes me wonder if designers actually just make clothes for their plastic dress mannequins. No muffin tops there!

I hate hate hate shopping for pants too, and most clothing. Do I like buying anything besides necklaces and hair scarves, maybe shoes?? I'm also a size 14 (I tend to dip up from 12-13 against my sanity), and bought a pair of black capri pants from Target recently that actually, believe it or not, fit.

Other than that, I still hate pants. I'm still searching for jeans..

I hate hate hate pants shopping. Because I had a baby I have mom pudge. This would be the delight to all tummy-tucking plastic surgeons in the world because I am afraid that surgery is the only way to get rid of this area. I hide it well, but this pudge (I want to say roll, but pudge sounds so much better) forces me up from a the 16 (or 14) i imagine I'd be to an 18.

I am so tired of seeing peoples cracks. And the thongs they wear to boot. Like, great, I'm happy you wear a thong, but please tell me why you have to wear pants that announce it to the world? It reminds me of the saying "Why buy a popsicle when you can get the icecream truck for free" Showing the crack and muffin top is not sexy.

p.s.
That doesn't mean that i'm resorting to or even thinking about surgery. Just that it is a horrible stubborn pudgy area that I am hoping will shrink as I loose weight.

so do you want to know what could possibly be even more fun than ultra-low waist? Did you read the article about "super skinny" jeans in the Times? Check it out online. Apparently this is going to be the new "huge trend," and some of the thigh measurements won't even be 10 inches around. Apparently one has a hard time getting an ANKLE into these things. And while the article specifically talked about the trend with men's fashion, women's will be there too. Why. Oh why.
And man do I hear that rant on the pudge overspill. It makes me hate my life. No, really.

I know your pain all too well. It is very easy to go on and on ranting about the state of women’s clothing. I wear a 14 short in Old Navy pants now too, I’m down from an 18 woohoo! I’m even wearing an Old Navy skirt in size 12 today, for some reason I can almost always get away with a size smaller in skirts, it’s so confusing. Last time I was at Old Navy shopping for pants I found a pretty good fit in a mid-rise (yes they have mid-rise, you have to look extra hard!) short length. I bought a pair of 14s that fit and then another pair of 14s to shrink into, because apparently not all 14s are the same size, not even at the same store…*sigh*. For a good laugh re: low-rise pants and summer dresses, read this and this.

Sorry, that second link was actually supposed to take you to a different blog entry.

What? Mom Jeans RULE!

:P Um, yeah right.

I totally hear you on pants shopping. I can't WAIT for this 'trend' to be over. I'm SO tired of seeing people's ass cracks. Even if the crack belongs to a HOT person. I'm also tired of pulling my pants up at every moment. The other day I was at a photo shoot and I had to stay crouched low the entire time so I wouldn't be in the video camera's way, and I had to keep pulling my pants up, and then making sure my underwear wasn't also showing, because I didn't have hip hugger underwear. UGH!!!

PS: Um, the new trend is going to be skinny jeans that are 10 inches around?! Excuse me? My thighs are pretty firm and they're still 14" around. YIKES.

Also: I hate that I can't find proper capris or capri style yoga pants or track pants because I'm 5'2. I practically have to buy shorts, and then they look like capris.

jess - I'll have to check out capris at Target. I can't buy jeans/regular pants there because they don't seem to have short sizes, but I do so love most of their stuff.

jessiegirl - Yeah, I suspect that my stomach pudge bumps me up a size as well. Mine isn't due to having a kid, though. Just unfortunate genetics and too much delicious food. I guess the whole appeal of super low-rise jeans is that even when you're wearing pants you get to show a fair amount of skin. Which I guess some people enjoy. People who are obviously a lot more confident/deluded than myself.

P.S. Plastic surgery is scary as hell, so good on you. The only thing I would ever consider having done would be boob-related, and NOT the kind that makes them bigger. But that's just because I really hate my boobs. Probably not enough to ever go through with it, though. Not to mention the expense. And the gross factor. Watching plastic surgery shows makes me sick.

ms. mercedes - Super skinny jeans? Who has 10-inch thighs? I don't think my 6 year old niece has 10-inch thighs. Way to manufacture clothing for anorexics and malnourished children! What's even scarier is that they would make these for guys. Holy visible package, Batman!

Yeah, the pudge makes me hate my life too.

shananigans - I can usually get into a smaller size skirt at Old Navy too. I guess they're just cut differently. And you're right, no two pairs of pants are the same even if they're the same size. It's so ridiculous. I wish they would just do it by waist/hip size and inseam like they do for guys. It would simplify things so much.

And don't get me started on dresses, especially summer ones. Apparently you can only A-cups are allowed to wear dresses. None of these filmy little numbers are appropriate for the chesty among us. So annoying.

kat - You and your mom jeans. :) Low-rise pants make sitting/crouching/bending pretty much impossible. It's like playing Russian roulette with your crack. You may not see it this time, or the next... but it's there, and sooner or later it WILL make an appearance. I'm always pulling my shirt down in the back in a feeble attempt to keep things under wraps.

Capris are a particular kind of hell. I'm a towering 5' 0'', so yeah, for me bermuda shorts = capris, and capris = weird ankle-length pants. Yes!

vegancore - I am with you on the 'short' pants thing, I'm 5'1 myself and regular sized pants are a nightmare.

nothing makes me feel more out of shape that shopping for pants. Here's my problem....I'm 5'11', so most pants are too short. Add that to my muffin top problem and the fact that I can NEVER find shirts that are long enough, and I am forced to put my embarassing muffin tops on display for everyone to see. Not nice.

Oh....I really like the sounds of that peanut butter french toast. I'm always putting PB on my french toast, so I'm going to now try cooking it right in like you! thanks.

PEANUT BUTTER French Toast!?--You're my hero!

And oh pants shopping = the bane of my existence. Fellow short person, and I don't mind having to hem (or having my mom hem :)) the legs, but what I really have a problem with with regular and even sometimes "short" sizes is the huge crotch. . . ?! For some reason the area between the waist and the crotch is almost always too long. And I can't buy otherwise fitting jeans, because I don't want to look like a boy! Grrr. Luckily, I lost some weight a couple months ago and can now fit back into these Dickies Girl jeans I wore in high school, which for some reason fit me almost perfectly. At least I didn't have to buy new stuff. ::Sigh:: Sorry to ramble.

How do you make peanutbutter french toast?

Somehow I dont see the fashion industry switching womens clothes to the waist/inseam sizing method. What women would want to go from the uber fabulous size 6 to a size 20? Though it may help the overly obese realize that a size 27 is like what near 40" around, I can't say that kind of help would be welcome. I can just picture all the women striking and picketing with some clever slogan. Marching around in a circle chanting fat and skinny united...lol

jess - They are a nightmare. I swear I could clothe a third-world village in the excess fabric that hangs off of the bottom.

megan - I was having a very similar discussion with a very tall friend of mine last night. Our problems are polar opposites. Most shirts are too long for me. I appreciate not showing off my muffin top, but a shirt that reaches past my crotch isn't flattering either. So I have to bunch it all up or just cut it off and hem it myself. I suppose that's why they have a "petite" section, but that's only ever in department stores and it's full of clothes I still wont want to wear when I turn 40. I mean, that stuff still has shoulder pads in it. (I hope you like the french toast!)

sarchan - Yeah, the croth is always too roomy. It's like, I'm not really packing anything here, people. I don't want to be able to keep my wallet and keys in the crotch of my jeans. And then when you sit down it bunches up... so attractive. The biggest problem for me, though, even above the roomy crotch and too long legs and low-waists, is that if something fits my waist it's too big in the legs, and vice versa. Apparently I'm uneven. It's really annoying, because I'll buy a pair of jeans that fit my waist and then after I wear them for a few hours they're all saggy in the butt region and I could shoplift tubes of sausage in the extra leg room. I have one singular pair of jeans that fits the way it should. One. If anything ever happened to it I would cry.

jessie - Peanut butter french toast = creamy peanut butter and soymilk whisked together with a little flour and optional vanilla and cinnamon. Dip bread, cook, eat. I don't really have measurements because I just throw stuff together in a bowl. If I had to guess, though, maybe 3/4 c soymilk, 2 Tbsp peanut butter, 1 Tbsp flour, 1 tsp vanilla, and 1/2 tsp cinnamon for 4-6 slices of bread.

Seriously, I would much rather buy a 20 waist size than a size 6 that may mean 100 different things at 50 different stores. The whole "vanity sizing" bullshit is just that. And it comes back around to the fact that no one buy you can see the size of your pants, so I'd rather be able to walk into a store and know that the size I pick out will fit me than have to take 3 different sizes and styles into the dressing room to find one pair that fits. The only store I've seen this at has been H&M, but they only carried up to about a 28 waist, which unfortunately doesn't work for me. I just think it's so lame that we so compulsively need to fit into a certain size that we'd be so resistant to a more logical, consistent, user-friendly system just because it would make us acknowledge that our waist is not a single digit number.

thank you for the guesswork on the pb french toast amounts--i'm so scared to wing it that i was planning to ask myself, but jessiegirl did it for me. yay! it sounds DELICIOUS.

as for old navy, i have a pair of their boot cut jeans and they are billed as "just below waist" or "slightly below waist" (i can't remember which)... those are nice if you can find them.

i love jeans more than anything else in my wardrobe, but shopping for them really sucks sometimes.

The problem with Old Navy jeans is threefold. First, they do make those "just below waist" jeans, but they're impossible to find most of the time. Second, when I do find them they're not usually the wash/style I want. Third, when I do find a pair that fits, after wearing them for a few hours they stretch out and don't fit anymore. But I end up looking for jeans there anyway, since it's no better anywhere else. Alas.

I hope you like the french toast!

You changed you image, is that your face instead of the spice tins?

and dood, I am totally making pb french toast this week sometime.

It is indeed my stupid-ass face. I was tired of the spice tins. Besides, I always like to know what the people whose lives I'm reading about actually look like.

Definitely rock the pb french toast. :)

The pasta looks fabulous, the french toast to die for and the green beans...YUM! Is there a possible recipe for those?

I'm in total agreement about pants shopping. I've pudged up over the winter and dread going to even look at any clothes. I look in the mirror and think "blech!" It's comforting to know I'm in good company. Thanks ladies!

The recipe for the green beans is in the archives somewhere. I'm planning to put together a cohesive recipes page at some point, but until then it's... here.

The general consensus seems to be that no one can find pants that fit. Ever. So what I'd like to know is who, exactly, are they making these pants for?

Heroin sheik supermodels. Anorexic barbie dolls. and possibly transvestite men, who always seem to look better in womens clothes than me.

Yeah, half the guys at my school wear girl's pants. Which has always been a mystery to me, actually - where do they put their junk? Oh! It must be in all the excess crotch room that for some reason plagues every pair of pants I own. And they're straight all the way down, so the size that fits their waist still fits their thighs. So basically they design women's pants for dudes. Awesome! I bet they didn't have this problem back in the curve-loving Rennaisance.

Yay for fellow short people! I have no choice but to shop in the petite department a lot of the time because I need to wear suits for work. Now that petite sophisticate has closed, Ann Taylor is pretty much the only place that I can buy suits...and I have recently had to hem my petite pants from there. I'm sorry, but 30" is NOT a petite inseam. I prefer skirts that go past my knees, but somehow I have a terribly hard time finding such skirt suits...the whole not wearing wool or silk thing doesn't help. It's a good thing I love shopping....

And the peanut butter french toast does sound really yummy. I'm always trying to find ways to add protein to my breakfast so that I don't crash before lunchtime.

Yeah, 30'' is definitely not a petite inseam. 27'' would be about perfect. Skirts are a whole different issue... ack! Short shopping sucks. Someone really needs to make a line of super-petite clothes.

I AM FIVE FEET TWO INCHES TALL AND HATE PANTS AS WELL!

(Sorry to join the conversation so late, but I must rant.)

Within the last year, I dropped from a size 12 to a size 8, and have a little more luck shopping now . . . but still not much. (I'm all hips and boobs, so it's still tough -- I don't have the stick figure that most designers envision their clothing on!) Most everything is way, way, way too long in the sleeves, in the torso length, and in the leg. (Even petite pants.)

A few things my also-short friend Christine and I have discovered:
1. The petite departments at major department stores (Marshall Field's, Nordstrom, and Macy's have the best,) often have tons and tons of granny clothes, but there are usually some hip goodies tucked away in a corner or two. You just have to dig. I've found great jeans (albeit by Tommy Hilfiger -- ugh! -- but they fit,) and shirts there pretty regularly.
2. L.L. Bean carries cropped pants in petite lengths! I just bought two pair, and they have a low but not obnoxious rise -- not granny pants, but not ass-crackin' either.
3. Get a recommendation for someone/a business who does alterations. It's inconvenient, but it's really the only way to have clothes that fit properly in this day of the stick insects.
4. Shop in vintage and thrift stores. Back in the 50s, 60s, and 70s, many women made their own clothes, and designers and manufacturers made clothes for real women's bodies. I consistently have excellent luck with shift dresses from the sixties.
5. Know that everyone hates shopping for clothes because nothing fits anyone properly, unless you are a supermodel, which I guess must be less than 0.00001 percent of the population. And even supermodels have to be pinned into their clothes sometimes!

This is also a random thought, but I think that women mostly wore dresses and skirts "back in the day" because pants really just aren't designed to fit a woman's body. I had a friend who only ever wore skirts and dresses because she gave up buying pants. (She owned a lot of tights and long underwear for the winter.)

Think of the pioneers -- skirts were probably a necessity for squatting behind a bush in the middle of the prairie!

Ah, hips and boobs. I am that as well. Should I ever lose this weight I'll probably still be all hips and boobs. Thanks Mom! I knew pants were a bitch, but before this post I didn't realize quite how universal a problem it was. You're right, nothing fits unless you're a supermodel - and even not then. So it bring me back to the question: who are they making clothes for, if not even supermodels can walk into a store and get a perfect fit? I have a friend who only wears skirts as well, but I can't ever really find skirts that are flattering either. Plus I'm not so much a skirt kinda girl. I'll definitely check out the petite section next time I'm at a department store - I've never even bothered looking because everything that's immediately visible is very off-putting. Do they think that short people only exist in the 40+ age bracket? Agh!

There is seriously a conspiracy at work here. I see people wearing well-fitting clothes all the time. Who are these people and where do they buy their clothes?!?

I think these people must have their clothes altered. Or our ill-fitting clothes aren't as noticeable as we think they are?

Have you noticed shirts are, like, seven inches too long this season? :) (I opened another can of worms!)

Shirts are definitely too long lately. Especially tank tops. Everything is "long and lean." Long and lean my ass! When is short and stumpy going to be in style, I wonder? I only have two shopping tricks in the shirt length department. One is that the cropped cardigans that are popular now are often just the right length for me. And their elbow-length sleeves are actually proper 3/4 lengths, which is great. The other thing is that, on the off chance I can squeeze my boobs into them, little boys XL t-shirts are great. Well, the necks are often a little binding, but if you do a little digging you can sometimes find exceptions to that.

Hey, what's this vegan gourmet mozzarella? Is it good. I gave up on vegan cheese a long time ago but am wondering if things have improved...

Vegan Gourmet is pretty much the only vegan cheese worth eating. :)

I am almost 6 feet tall and all my local Mervyn's in Glendale CA has is


SHORT PANTS!!!!



ARRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH

Ah, short with big boobs! My problem exactly. I find that even Old Navy's "at the waist" pants are too low. And what is with this stretch denim? My pants are constantly falling off. I agree that I see people with jeans that fit. But also I see even teenagers with the roll hanging over! But at least their pants do not seem to fall off like mine do! Regular (non-jeans) pants do not seem to be a problem.

Thanks for your blog-it's very entertaining.

SusanG

califdweller - Apparently Glendale is the place to be, then! :) I'm sorry, that's just really funny since usually I have the exact opposite problem.

susan g - I've never tried the "at waist" pants, but I'm definitely familiar with the "pants falling off" phenomenon. It happens to be with a lot of pants, not just jeans. Jeans are the worst offenders, though. My favorite pair of jeans actually has some stretch, so I can't denounce it completely. :) I'm glad you enjoy my blog!

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