Weighty Weirdness and The Self Challenge
It happens. Looking at food and seeing numbers gets really old after a while. I don't want to look at a banana and see 100 calories. I want to look at a banana and see a goddamn banana. I want to think, "Do I want a banana?" not "Can I afford to eat a banana?" I want to be able to just eat and not think about it every second of the day.
But this isn't really about my food issues. It's about how I stepped on the scale today in the worst possible conditions - in the afternoon, after eating breakfast, and wearing clothes (okay, underwear) - and did not see what I expected. With the way I've been eating I expected to be up at least a few pounds, if not back to where I was when I started this blog. But somehow the scale read 169, just 1 pound up from where I'd been hovering when I went off the wagon. I don't know how that happened. I went from reducing my calories and eating well to stuffing my face with junk and barely gained a pound. If I'd gotten on the scale first thing in the morning it may well have read 168, and then I'd be right where I left off.
It kind of kicked me in the ass, because I was pretty down about undoing the progress I've made so far. I was mad at myself, and I just wanted to eat even more because really, what was the point? I'd already fucked up. It's that lovely all-or-nothing way of thinking that I'm so guilty of. But the universe handed me of get out of jail free card on this one, and now I have no excuses.
I signed up for the Self Challenge. If anyone is interested in joining me, you can go to Self.com and sign up. You can have a buddy list and everything, so we could totally be Challenge buddies. In any case, I'll probably be blogging a little bit about this whole thing in between food talk.
Speaking of food talk, forgive the lack of it lately. I'm really bogged down at school, plus the recent junk food bonanza hasn't had me cooking much. I just loaned my camera to a friend for a few days as well, so I won't be able to post anything until Friday or Saturday.