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Weighty Weirdness and The Self Challenge

My body never ceases to amaze me with its persistant disregard for logic. I've been eating like crap lately. Cookies. Chocolate. Chips. French fries. Fruits and veggies went out the window and were replaced by cereal and baked goods. I don't know why, really. I just got so sick of counting every morsel, and apparently my natural reaction to that is to stuff my face with every edible item within 100 feet of me. Hey, that makes sense. I'm sick of counting calories, so as an act of rebellion I'm going to eat 120438720987510 of them! Yeah, okay.

It happens. Looking at food and seeing numbers gets really old after a while. I don't want to look at a banana and see 100 calories. I want to look at a banana and see a goddamn banana. I want to think, "Do I want a banana?" not "Can I afford to eat a banana?" I want to be able to just eat and not think about it every second of the day.

But this isn't really about my food issues. It's about how I stepped on the scale today in the worst possible conditions - in the afternoon, after eating breakfast, and wearing clothes (okay, underwear) - and did not see what I expected. With the way I've been eating I expected to be up at least a few pounds, if not back to where I was when I started this blog. But somehow the scale read 169, just 1 pound up from where I'd been hovering when I went off the wagon. I don't know how that happened. I went from reducing my calories and eating well to stuffing my face with junk and barely gained a pound. If I'd gotten on the scale first thing in the morning it may well have read 168, and then I'd be right where I left off.

It kind of kicked me in the ass, because I was pretty down about undoing the progress I've made so far. I was mad at myself, and I just wanted to eat even more because really, what was the point? I'd already fucked up. It's that lovely all-or-nothing way of thinking that I'm so guilty of. But the universe handed me of get out of jail free card on this one, and now I have no excuses.

I signed up for the Self Challenge. If anyone is interested in joining me, you can go to Self.com and sign up. You can have a buddy list and everything, so we could totally be Challenge buddies. In any case, I'll probably be blogging a little bit about this whole thing in between food talk.

Speaking of food talk, forgive the lack of it lately. I'm really bogged down at school, plus the recent junk food bonanza hasn't had me cooking much. I just loaned my camera to a friend for a few days as well, so I won't be able to post anything until Friday or Saturday.

Where in PA are you? I'm out near York. I'm a vegetarian, though i'm taking baby steps toward veganism. I know you don't know me but if you really want a buddy I think it would be fun and exactally the kick in the pants I need to begin loosing weight.

I'm in Lancaster, so not that far away. I need a weight loss buddy like crazy, because I'm pretty much alone in it here, so this would be pretty exciting. I checked out your website (because I am an internet stalker) and saw that you're an artist as well, so we have that in common. :)

Must be the time of year. I've been eating total crap for the past couple of weeks. I've eaten my weight in chocolate. I wish I had the same scale experience as you. Unfortunately for me, when I stepped on the scale this morning, all that junk has stayed. I'm up about 5 pounds. Geez! I wish I could get motivated to get outside and get moving. Took the dog to the park today and he ran while I watched. Not quite what I had in mind. Good luck to you. Maybe by summer we can both be shadows of our former selves.

wow.. for some reason I indulge in gluttony almost every single day.. and I havent gained a pound in last 3 years or so.. I havent exercised even a bit in last 6 months.. and being calorie conscious is something I just cannot do.. I would rather cycle 10-15 miles everyday and burn calories.. but I cannot cut on overeating :(

At the risk of sounding geeky (i.e. revealing my true nature), a pound isn't always a pound. You recycle well over a pound of water and food/...err...solid waste every day.

For a better explanation of how to track your weight in a way that accounts for this somewhat, check out this page:

http://www.fourmilab.ch/hackdiet/e4/signalnoise.html
(Check out the section "Dexter's Diet" and those below it)

That's how I measure my weight, and let me tell you it has been a godsend to my sanity and my resolve.

I did the Self Challenge last year and it was pretty fun. I didn't lose weight but I did get myself back on the exercise wagon.
I'm trying to lose about 10 lbs at the moment and it's so hard. I've lost 50 lbs before, why is 10 so hard!
Anyway, I feel your pain. When I did Weight Watchers I saw every food in terms of pts. I would never eat a banana bc it was 2 pts and an apple was only 1pt. So silly. Now I'm trying to just eat better.

I'm an internet stalker too, so dont feel bad because If you are attending school in lancaster i think i know where you go. I considered applying there. For the moment though i am a student nowhere. I'm on sabbatical trying to decide what i want to do with my life.

I give you kudos for not only any progress and attempts at progress you've made, and even considering the self challenge. I'm intrigued by it myself.
I had a few months where I really focused on cutting my serving sizes and eating salads, and then the past couple weeks..I'm off the horse again. I'm so embarassed about how much pizza I ate the other night..and the next day I was still 'a lot is good' mode so I ate more than my normal serving of chili for lunch, and because I did that, it's even harder cutting back, but I must. Instead of that extra chili, I should eat celery or something. Just focus on the progress, you're human, and chocolate is damn good! Focus on portion control rather than calorie obsessing alone? Hmm
I'm grateful I dragged myself to the gym last night.

Keep up the good fight, you know that you are not alone. And rusty is right, it's best to focus on trends of the scale over time rather than put all stock in the number as you see it day to day. That will make anyone insane.

carrie - Whenever I would try to run with my dog he would go full speed for a few minutes, leave me in the dust, get annoyed, and lose interest by the time I caught up with him. :)

kunsjoi - My weight usually holds pretty steady even when I eat too much, but unfortunately it's holding steady at a much higher number than I'd like. Exerecise is key for me I think. I definitely hear you on not being able to stop overeating. Food is addictive.

rusty - That website is really interesting, thanks for sending it my way! I'm in the middle of reading up on it now. :) And it's okay to sound like a geek, I consider it a very positive qualitiy to have.

emily - I did Weight Watchers for a year or so and lost 30 pounds, about half of which I eventually gained back. I lost motivation because after the first 6 months I couldn't lose anything at all, no matter how much I exercised and counted points. Now I can't deal with the points thing. It's worse than calorie-counting for some reason. I'm not even really that sure how the self challenge works, but I'm going to give it a try in any case.

jessiegirl - I go to PCA&D and I love it to death. I wish you the very best in figuring out what to do with your life. I try not to think about that too much, lest my head explode.

jess - I hate when I fall into "a lot = good" mode. Actually that seems to be my default mode. I need to start watching my portions more, and how fast I eat as well. I'm really starting to tire of counting in general. It makes me nuts and always backfires.

shananigans - Yeah, I know living and dying by the scale is ridiculous. I try not to, but it's so ingrained to focus on the numbers. Stupid media brainwashing.

If you want, I will more than happily whoop your ass into going to the gym. I've become known around these parts as the exercise nazi. Basically I just bully and guilt my friends into working out and being accountable for their health...we report our workouts to each other to keep ourselves responsible for doing them!

An exercise nazi is exactly what I need. :) I'm starting my exercise plan on Monday, and I'm bringing my boyfriend along for the ride, so between him nagging me in person and you nagging me online I really don't think I'll have much choice in the matter. Which is excellent, because with me choice generally leads to laziness.

thanks for sharing all this...I can really relate. I have a VERY long history with food obsession and at this point, I refuse to count my calories. Getting into raw/living foods has helped me tremendously, and for the first time I really feel like I'm on the right trajectory. However, there is no such thing as nutritional or dietary "purity," and we're sooo young and have very long lives of food choices ahead of us. I think you're doing just fine, and even though I don't know you except through your writing (which I love because it's so relatable!), I think sooner or later you'll make peace and it'll all happen naturally.
Or is this just all the crazy new-age raw food talk going to my head?!

You wooly-headed raw vayguns and your new age hippy talk. Go eat a cheeseburger! :) No, l know what you're saying. We have 60-some years of deciding what to eat in front of us. I don't want to spend it counting calories. I've been following your adventures in raw food with great interest... I might start have one raw day a week or something. I don't have really have any desire to go raw, but it would be an interesting experiment and would probably expand my food horizons a bit. Thanks for all of your comments and encouragement - seriously, why are all the cool people states and states away? It's so unfair.

You could consider posting a weekly workout log here on you blog. You know we are all watching you and might as well use peer pressure for positive results right?

Ha, yeah, I need to guilt and embarras myself into working out. Actually it's pretty true. I'll probably do that. Thanks. :)

Hey vegan core... I'm a veagn weight conscious person also wanting to lose about 10- 15 pounds. I have started exercising. I started a blog about my journey at less-of-dori.blogspot.com. I'm interested in reading healthy lifestyle support (including exercise). So far I find making a food plan helpful, I was counting weight watchers points, but found I ate worse than ever doing this. I'd rather just have a diet of good for me foods.

May I link to you?

Of course you can link to me! :) I sort of felt the same way about Weight Watchers - I ate junk just because I had the points for it, or ate less at meals so I could eat more dessert later. I'm trying to go it on my own now. Good luck on your journey!

I've heard of a lot of people who can't loose all their weight on the WW plan... maybe it is a consipracy to keep you paying for meetings and buying special WW endorced foods.

I wouldn't doubt it, actually. I didn't go to meetings, though - I inherited all of the materials from a friend and just did it on my own. There was no way I was paying 12 bucks a week to have someone weigh me.

hmmm, i notice the same thing. i call it the two week delay since it seems to take between one to two weeks for much to show either coming off or on...

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