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Ina Garten is Just! Like! You!

I'm watching Food Network right now, and Ina Garten (sp?) is making chicken with morels. She just added 8 oz of creme fraiche AND a cup (maybe 2) of heavy cream to the mix. Jesus. That is a motherload of dairy. And also fat. This woman puts dairy in everything. It's really bothersome. One one hand, I like her. She's chubby and seems a least a bit more sincere than your average Food Network host. On the other, she's schmaltzy and obsessed with cheese and cream and I can't stand the cutesy little segments that show her "working." Oh look, I'm just like you! I have a job! I don't just whip up gourmet food in my spacious kitchen all day! Oh, sure, I have an acre of fresh herbs growing in my huge, sun-dappled yard, but I have to go into the office for 10 minutes and discuss how awesome my recipes are with my perky assistant - just like you.

Okay, so maybe she annoys me a little. And that thing I said about her seeming sincere? Knock a few points off. "I'll call you for dinner!" "Great, lets!" I wonder if she's a bitchy kitchen diva in real life? Hmm. I still like that she's chubby, though.

At least she doesn't make me dry heave like Rachael Ray. She eats my soul, and yet I can't look away. I think she may have promised her firstborn to the devil in exchange for her evil powers. And that sweet-ass stove.

Anyway. I've been slacking off for the last two days, eating kind of badly and not exercising. Monday was fine, but then Tuesday was the 4th and I went straight from work in the morning to my brother's in the evening, and I came home with my 10-year old niece in tow. She spent the night and then we hung out on Wednesday; by the time I drove her home and got back to Lancaster it was almost 9 o' clock. Plus my period started yesterday, which of course makes just makes me want to sit around like a sloth and eat cupcakes all day. Awesome. But today has gotten largely back on track. I'm supposed to do strength training, but I haven't yet. I did take a walk, though. We'll see how the rest of the night goes.

Still watching Food Network, only now it's Sandra Lee. She's way too fucking perky, is really all I have to say about her. Plus she keeps giving the camera, and as an extension me, these seductive, half-lidded eyes. It's freaking me out a little bit. And she just used the work "fierce" in describing cupcakes. She seems so very pleased with herself. I kind of hate her.

I need to find something else to watch. An entire hour of Rachael Ray stands between me and my true love, Alton Brown. I'm not sure I can get through that without a priest.

I also kind of like Ina. I also hate Rachael and I dislike Sandra Lee very much. I love Gianna de Laurentis. (I'm sure I butchered her name.) I still haven't caught Alton Brown, though! (I really only started watching this stuff a few months ago.)

I can't stand Giada de Laurentis. She looks like a lollipop, and that faux-Italian accent grates like crazy. You need to watch Alton Brown. The only way he could be more perfect is if he didn't cook so much meat.

I do wish I had cable and knew what you were talking about..

She was born in Rome, it isn't that faux! :P

I turned the TV on just as Good Eats was ending. Grumble.

My first time seeing Sandra Lee was on her Christmas special, when she was p*rnstarred out to the max...plus I just hate the concept of her show. "I'm a lazy bulimic who would rather get a manicure than cook something from scratch, but I want your love anyway! and OMG did you see how I am wearing a MATCHING chanel tracksuit? It's almost like I work out!"
Apparently Ina Garten used to be skinny (Chefography!) so I guess that shows everyone what dairy does to you.

I can't stand any of them really. Alton cooks a lot of meat. Rachel Ray says "EVOO" to many times and I'm certain Giatta must not eat anything she cooks. Damn I wan't a wasitline like hers.

jess - Just annoying TV hosts. :) You're not really missing anything.

veggiebelly - Maybe it just seems faux because she only turns it on when saying an Italian word, and then it's WAY exaggerated. Good Eats is on every day at 7. I think it's on again at 11, too.

jessica - That's funny, because today everything she made was composed of chocolate chips, cream, ice cream, and eggs. And frosting. She even ate some, but she didn't look too happy about it. Her outfit was entirely beige. The whole thing was very Stepford.

I'm glad Ina isn't skinny. The Food Network has too many skinny chefs. Look how they shrank Rachael Ray. She was cuter when she was a bit chubbier, even if she did still look like a muppet on speed.

i like that ina despite all that fakey look-at-my-friends n' garden n' husband stuff. and i hate rachel ray...way too perky and annoying!

i just found your blog & like it quite a bit!

jessie - Alton does cook a lot of meat, unfortunately. I still love him, though. He's my kind of food geek. Don't envy Giada! She's scary skinny. I think it's gross. Plus I just think she's kind of creepy. She always looks a bit manic.

kickpleat - Rachael Ray is dead inside. You can just tell. I can watch Ina without too much annoyance. I think my least favorites are Paula Dean, Emeril, and Bobby Flay. Everything does not taste better cooked in bacon grease. I don't want to kick my fried turducken up a notch. BAM! And Bobby Flay just creeps me out. I can't really put my finger on why.

Thanks for commenting! I'm glad you like the blog. :) (P.S. Your hair is super cute!)

You are too funny!

I kinda like Ina. I agree...far too much dairy and fat in her recipes, but I like how she is so pure and honest in her approach to cooking. She never skimps on fat or dairy for a "healthier" version.

What always gives me a good laugh when she makes pack-away lunches for her husband Jeffery cause "If I don't, I'm sure someone else would be happy to do it". I often wonder just how much money she is rolling in, with all her food business money , and I think her hubby is the Dean at MIT or some other fancy pants university.

Rachel--Why won't she just grow up and act like a woman instead of being trapped in perpetual little girldom? [One more mention of Granpa Emilio might drive me to suicide.] I prefer Nigella Lawson's femininity--but man, she should lay off all the animal products.

Giada is a compelte Nigella rip off. The way she seduces the camera and licks her fingers. The cleavage shots. The cooking sounds.

At least Ina is original. But there's something about her that grates on my nerves--her "noblesse oblige" air [yeah. i get the feeling she's loaded and her cooking show is just a way to pass the time].

So who do I like? Isa Chandra Moskowitz. Lidia Bastianich [expect for her meatiness]. And of course, Nigella.

Man, I love Alton Brown. Food, science, and usually puppets, too. :)

Vegancore, I agree about Bobby Flay -- he's just creepy. I can't figure out why either. (Shuddering)

megan - Very true, the woman isn't scared of fat or calories. I think there was a time in my life like that... maybe. The thing with her husband's lunches is funny, I think I've heard her say that once before. I'm sure she's freakin' loaded. That's the impression I always get from her.

urban vegan - You're spot on about Rachael. She's like an 8-year old trapped in a woman's body. Plus her hand guestures drive me batty. I've never actually seen Nigella in action. But I hate it when they seduce the camera, so I'm not sure I'd like her either. Ina definitely has that upper crusty way about her, but overall she's a lot more tolerable than most.

Of course Isa is fantastic. The world needs many more vegan (or even just vegetarian) chefs in the public eye. I'm not sure who Lidia Bastianich is, though.

catherine - Yay, Alton love! I adore his big chicken thing. You know what I mean? I think it's a cookie jar or something. He just seems like he's be so much fun to hang out and cook with.

The Boy and I caught the beginning of Iron Chef America tonight, and when Bobby Flay was chosen to compete we elected to immediately change the channel. We've come to the conclusion that he's creepy because he looks like a child molester, or someone similarly sleazy. Ick. He's not someone I'd like to run into in a dark alley. Or a brightly lit public place, for that matter. Plus the last name. Bobby Peel Your Flesh Off. Nice!

haha. I cant stand to watch Ina! Now Rachael Ray, I like, and I like most of the Good Eats, but why must they use soooo much crap in the food?! I will say that sometimes Rachael will make a salad or something that is pretty good looking. have fun watching the food channel! haha

Oh and what shows are Isa and Lidia on?? I dont think I recognize their names...

Isa does a public access cooking show called The Post Punk Kitchen. There were some episodes posted on Google video a while ago, I'm not sure if they're still up now. I don't know who Lidia is, though, so I'm no help there. :) I think the Food Network should do a vegetarian week. I'd preffer vegan, but let's be realistic, you'll have to pry the cheese from these people's cold, dead hands. But a veg week wouldn't be that difficult (unless you're Paula Dean), and they do other kind of themed weeks. That would be freakin' sweet.

I am food network-obsessed, even though I am so ambivalent about ALL of the shows. My favorite is probably Giada, but I hate that she is a size two, yet supposedly eats all the food she makes (which is healthier than the Paula Deen genre, still contains a bunch of animal products). Pretty wack. I love Bobby Flay...I come home on my lunch break from work and watch Boy Meets Grill sometimes =)

haha! I just read through all the comments people left. YES to the completely obnoxious way Giada pronounces Italian words "spa-GIIII-TIII." Ha. I would agree that Bobby Flay is on the creepier-looking side. I just like his approach to cooking (southwest/authentic mexican flavors). OMG one time on Iron Chef America, there was this chef Govind Armstrong on there....holy.freaking.moly. One of the hottest chefs I have ever laid eyes on. Loooong thin dreadlocks (that's my thing!). He apparently works at this restaurant Table 8 in LA. I'm so in love with him. Ok, sorry for the tangent!

You love Alton Brown too? Hooray! I totally think food network should do veg week, but I somehow don't see it happening. At least you're not watching Dr. Phil.

ms. mercedes - I'm going to have to look into this pretty man-chef. Gotta love hot boys who can cook. :)

shananigans - Yeah, the Food Network is pretty set in its meaty ways, unfortunately. They should at least have a vegetarian cooking show, though. I mean, really, is that too much to ask? Rachael Ray has like 12 shows, and they can't even free up a single slot for a veg show?

I think I've actually had nightmares in which I'm watching Dr. Phil, or Dr. Phil is present. No lie.

A vegetarian Show would rock! We should start a letter writing campaing and pummel their e-mail boxes (or snail mail boxes) with requests! The squeaky wheel gets the oil. They probably haven't created one because they don't think there is a market for it, and with no market they can't make any money and the show will fail before it starts.

I've thought about it. My worst fear would be that they make a vegetarian show and then it's full of seafood and chicken stock. Because fish and chickens grow on trees, obviously. I think they should hire Isa to do a show. She'd eat Rachael Ray for breakfast and then proceed to make a tofu scramble without breaking a sweat.

Seriously, I would pay to see a chicken growing on a tree. Which end would the stem grow out of?

Isa would rock. But any chef woo could spend 30 minutes cooking and not involve meat would be great.

I don't think I want to ponder the stem's location. No good can come of that.

chicken trees grow them by their beaks, that's why KFC chickens don't have any, right?

omg... LOL... I know exactly what you mean... I watch BC with my mouth hanging open in embarrassment for her sometimes with the amount of butter, cream and cheese she uses... RR.. I'd like to muzzle her.. but I watch.. and if she'd only cook with vegan ingredients, her food might be good. SL... now this woman is just nasty... a wanna be porn star or something.. her food is the grosses of them all. I wish FN would get a good vegan show... but I'd even settle for vegetarian. oy.

jessica - Ew, KFC. *shudder*

melody - I think a vegetarian show is possible; unfortunately a vegan show is probably not going to happen anytime soon. People get scared when there's no cheese around, don'tcha know.

I would LOVE to see a vegetarian week! haha I dont think Paula do a show without meat much less ANY animal products! ugh that girl(not even gonna try to try and spell her name) off Everyday Italian, she looks like she's trying to seduce someone all the time through the camra! I cant stand her! lol

Giada is the chick from Everyday Italian, and yeah, she's definitely making bedroom eyes at the camera the whole time. If think Paula Dean's idea of of "vegetarian" is broccoli sauteed in pork drippings and wrapped in bacon.

"I still like that she's chubby..."

HEE HEE! Oh, thanks for the smile...

A great post!!

I'm sooo with you about Alton Brown. Oh, I could totally dream about him as my boyfriend! And I love the science aspect. Sadly, he doesn't usually whip up much vegan-friendly fare. I'm always trying to veganize the things he makes. He's about the only one on that show that I can stand to watch anymore. Anyway, just found your blog and all I can say is hurray! Can't wait to browse around a bit more when I have some extra time. - Crystal

I love the science stuff, too. Especially when he bakes. Actually I just like nerdy boys who bake. Yum. :) I'm glad you like the blog! I'm always thrilled to discover a new vegan bloger.

haha. I watched Barefoot Contessa the other day(Id never really watched it and I heard yall talking about it, so I thought Id check it out even if yall did pretty much say she sucked! lol). I honestly couldnt make it through half the show! I didnt like her(animal filled) recipes. Needless to say, I wont be watching that any time soon...

what i find fascinating about ina garten is that she had a whole other life, she worked on nuclear energy policies for the white house in the 70's, before she ever opened her specialty store.

food network used to have a good vegetarian cooking show, i can't remember the host's name though. i think they stopped with a lot of the sort of "homegrown" shows and went slicker when all the rachel ray type shows started getting popular. it's a shame.

Okay, now that's just creepy. I totally didn't know that about Ina. I thought I remembered the food network having a veg show... I actually remember them having a lot of interesting shows, I guess before the "Rachael Ray-ification" took place. That really is a shame.

didn't lisa loeb and dweezle zappa have a veg (or at least partly) show on foodtv at one point?

Jessica, there was a show called "Dweezil and Lisa" on FN a long time ago, but it only ran a couple of episodes. They broke up. (Somehow, I knew that would happen!) I saw one episode -- it was okay, but not a must-watch.

I met Alton Brown once, very briefly, at a book signing. He is super-cool, and incredibly funny. He did 45 minutes of talking before he signed books, and he was hilarious! I have never laughed so hard. When it was my turn to have my book signed, I walked up and he stuck out his hand and said, "Hi! I'm Alton, thanks for coming." (Like none of us knew.) But it was cool -- he's a normal guy. A bit spazzy, (i.e., fifteen cups of coffee spazzy,) but a normal guy.

Speaking of vegetarian cooking shows on the food network, there was a show being considered not too long ago called "Delicious TV" (www.delicioustv.com). When FN pressured the host to include chicken and fish she said, "no way!" and now has her show on some PBS stations. You can go to the website and see if it is aired on your PBS station, and if not, pressure your PBS station to include it! It's not in my area yet, but writing Twin Cities Public Television is on my list of things to do. :)

I never actually got to see that show. I was pretty sad about it, 'cause I like Lisa Loeb. I'm so jealous that you met Alton, Catherine! That's so awesome. I always thought he would be really fun to hang out with. I don't see Delicious TV in my PBS lineup, so I may just have to send off an email about that. Thanks for the heads up!

Doesn't Lisa Loeb have a new show now? I saw a commercial yesterday, she's looking for love apparently. I think its called Number One Single

Alton is my God! I just love his show. I saw recently that he is supposed to have another (different) show out soon - something about food and travel -it has asphalt in the title. I tivo Good Eats everynight and watch it while I eat breakfast in the morning. I'm obssesively watching the schedule for his Tofu show to rerun - this morning he made Pad Thai and used a little tofu in that but I need a whole show dedicated to the bean curd I love!

I commented about this post above, but I after reading the comments, I just have to say--Jamie Oliver<3<3<3!!!! British accent + lobbying parliament to improve the health of school dinners . . . ::swoon:: I was a fan of The Naked Chef from way back.

Alton Brown.... .I want to marry you and bear your children. Don't mind that I'm 50 and my childbearing days are over - for you, Alton, I'd do it... over and over and over .... in between laughing at your corny jokes and eating your luscious food.

Marry me, Alton!

Forever yours,


Ina Garten ,why do you worship Jeffrey? He is such a condescending piece of human. full of himself and doesn't show any genuine affection or appreciation for all your effort.
You spend too much of your precious time trying to please it.Ina, YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN ,with a great oppourtunity to help in the empowering of women ,don't promote us a helpless species..I think you are very lonely and unloved ,Jeffrey is probably your biggest keep back.

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